He’s a wealthy young businessman with a dark secret.
He’s ridiculously good-looking. He’s been involved with dozens of women, but because of his dark secret he’s hurt some or all of them. He doesn’t really care who they are; when he meets them he already has a fantasy that he wants to project on them and make them fit into.
He’s self-assured and charming, but a little bit socially awkward. He has many acquaintances and business contacts but few close friends; you get the sense he just isn’t interested in people he can’t use.
He goes on a lot about how troubled he is—the book is even named after the way he describes his perceived mental problems—but he never acknowledges that it’s really his wealth and social power that allow him to get away with what he does.
Christian Grey is Patrick Bateman.
IN DEFENSE OF BAD PERVERTS
IN DEFENSE OF BAD PERVERTS is what I’m going to call this rant
because I am a bad pervert. Okay. So.
There is this domination. There is this thing latent in the culture. Where — men get away with this bad behavior towards women. Objectifying and sexualizing them(us). Getting away with violence against them(us). This background dehumanization which is just itself violence.
I understand that it is good to seek out consent-minded people, to become a person who cares about consent. To become a person who values their(her) own consent. Values their(her) own boundaries. I understand these things intellectually.
But until I create that world and find people who can create that world with me I live in the world of domination, dehumanization, sexual objectification and violence. I live there. Me and all the women and the men and the others in my culture. All of us. And I completely understand that sometimes we can’t comprehend sexuality outside of that. I want sexuality to move past that, to get equal, to get fair and safe for everyone. But it isn’t, and saying it is doesn’t make it so. Saying it should be doesn’t make it so.
And in “Real BDSM Culture” there are problems. So often consent-seeking is theater, is plausible deniability, hides abusers. Saying 50SoG misrepresents Real BDSM Culture is a fucking lie. Yes, people should be able to be safe, be able to find people into what they’re into and do what they do safely but. We don’t live there. We don’t. We don’t. We still have to make that world. Don’t make things worse by pretending we are already there.
And. Hey. People. Its okay for people to have Christian Grey as their fantasy. It’s okay for people to have Patrick Bateman as their fantasy. It is okay. It is even okay to seek out guys like that. Seek out guys like my Mr Unconsensual Choking. It is okay to need to work through the violence you live with. It’s okay to eroticize it, it’s okay to want to put yourself at risk. Its okay to want to learn what you can endure. It’s okay for you to want exactly as zero checks on that experment as there are on your regular unsafe life.
I wish you wouldn’t, and I wish you wouldn’t feel like you needed to, and I wish you had people to keep you safe but. Those desires are okay.
THIS IS WHAT IS NOT OKAY
IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE CHRISTIAN GREY. IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE PATRICK BATEMAN ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY IS UP NOT DOWN. jesus christ leave women alone forever.
Fucking seriously, just. leave women alone forever.